you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
