ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
