You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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