Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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