Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
