If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
