Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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