Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
