I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
