i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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