Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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