and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
