If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
