Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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