God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
