Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
