Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
