remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We left the knife in your bed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
