College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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