This house was built for laser tag.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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