you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
