I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
