god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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