Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
