last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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