I'm laying in your front yard are you home
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My penis needs a shock collar
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
