KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
