So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
