Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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