They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
