I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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