Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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