I want to stick my p in your. b.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
