I just saw a hot homeless man
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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