ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize