I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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