Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
