U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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