Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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