you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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