New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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