It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
