I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
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Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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