He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
