maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
