porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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