Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
