His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
