I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
