All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
