3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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