There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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