Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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