i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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