the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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