You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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