I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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