I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
