I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
