i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
