Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
