I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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