Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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