Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
