I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
