ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize