Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Did I show you my penis last night?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
