he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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