if i can run in heels then i can drive
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
