You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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