I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You are a genius and a whore.
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