I need to stop coming to work sober
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
