tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first