Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
