We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated