i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.