Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.