you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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