thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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