so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
