someone threw a dead crab at me
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
