Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
