apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
