first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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