Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
