What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
